How Long?

My soul is in deep anguish.

How long, Lord, how long?

Psalm 6:3

How long, Lord, how long?

How long will I have to wait?

How long will you delay?

Will it be days or months, could it be years or decades?

Will it be a brief, passing moment?

Or will I have to get used to a new paradigm?

I continue to cry out to you, so I must believe that you are listening

But am I confident that you will not just listen, but answer?

That you will act on my behalf

I wonder what the tipping point of my rescue will be

Will it come suddenly, like an unexpected windfall?

Or will it be slow, barely recognisable, as the changing of seasons?

The question, how long, begins to evolve into other questions 

Why haven't you answered?

Why do you seem to help others and not me?

Am I kidding myself that you are real?

Is this all my own fault?

And the worst accusation of all, do you not care?

Will these questions cause me to give up before your help comes?

Will I have decided that the cost is too high?

Will I simply forget you and seek help elsewhere?

But for the moment, I return to the question

How long, Lord, how long?

For my soul is in deep anguish 

Truth

I speak words, but are they true?

Do they reveal an inner reality or an outward lie?

Are they expressed integrity or hidden duplicity?

Maybe the real question is not are my words true, but are they truly me?

I smile, but has the look on my face made my feelings known?

Or have my facial muscles been dragged into a game of cover up?

Is the smile an overflow of heart, or a decision of will?

Is my heart smiling or is it only my face?

The question comes as it always does, 'How are you?'

I always wonder what answer they want or expect

Do they really want a truthful response?

What will I say?

Part of me wants to simply answer as normal, 'fine thank you'

But I really want to be honest, to be vulnerable 

However, I am concerned that they will look down on me

That I will diminish in their eyes

So, the key questions that I keep dragging into my consciousness:

Who am I?

What am I doing?

What is important?

I want to be provoked to think more, to think clearer, to think deeper

To be unsatisfied with unsatisfactory answers 

To refuse to accept the unacceptable 

To be unwilling to compromise with the compromised

You desire truth in the inner parts, in my inner parts 

Not just an acknowledgment of truth but truth rooted deep within me

That overflows to be a blessing to others 

And brings glory to the King of Truth

Satisfied?

Mankind is 'the only animal whose desires increase as they are fed; the only animal that is never satisfied.' (Henry George, nineteenth century American economist)

We are the only animal, whether born or whether bred

Whose desire for satisfaction increase as we are fed

We long for real contentment, we always yearn and crave

But our longing does not satisfy, it is us that they enslave

The urges deep within us are never satisfied 

They only stop afflicting us the day when we have died

To have passion is not the problem, our focus is the key

What are we working hard to find, what is it that we see?

We seek out compensation for the challenges that we face

A little bit of happiness along the road we have to race

But joy seems but impossible, it never stays or lasts

A small measure of hopefulness in a world that seems so vast

Some realise quite early, others never seem to know

That things and stuff and goals and cash aim high but hit too low

How could our own possessions, or adverts on TV

Succeed in bringing peace and calm to any real degree?

So, seek the master's kingdom and all his righteousness 

Your hopes and dreams and all you need will be the Father's 'yes'

So, as we pursue his glory, the great exchange occurs

I lay my soul before him, on me his life confers