Looking through an old diary I found the following which I wrote as part of a three month period where I was focusing on the hidden life with God.
Mar 17th2009
‘”I'll go out as before and shake myself free." But he did not know that the LORD had left him.’ 1 This is one of the most tragic verses in the Bible; Samson with all his power could not tell when God was no longer close. I pray that will God keep me from focusing on my ministry and end up with no tangible knowledge of his presence. I want to know the difference; I want to feel his distance when he has distanced himself. I know that he will never leave or forsake me but I don't want to talk about being close to God, I want to know his presence.’
‘Like the Jews, we feel God's hiddenness as a disappointment, an aching in the heart, a doubt never fully set to rest.’ 2 This statement from Philip Yancy sounds deeply disturbing but how much worse than an aching heart would be a heart that did not know the difference between God being close and God being far away.
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2 Yancey, Philip, Disappointment with God, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, 1992, p.104
